Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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