i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
