How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
whose parrot is this?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Im part way to drunk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
