I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
