when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
