I cannot find my penis.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
