i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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