The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
