did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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