Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize