It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
