I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
