glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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