no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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