she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
