Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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