Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
