I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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