I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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