i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
