It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
