Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
