i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
