I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
