Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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