the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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