Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
