I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
