just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
