Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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