The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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