Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize