I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
