How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
