I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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