Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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