Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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