i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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