Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
two words...techno handjob
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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