yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
