I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
