So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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