Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
