you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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