billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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