I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
