I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
