Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
