I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
