I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's never too late to be topless.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
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