..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it's like heaven, but drunker
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
