Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
