Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
