The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
