its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
