I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
