so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
