I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
