Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
