Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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