I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
