you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize