hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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