i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
