I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
